Aliyah Pittsburgh: PART SIX. Language Lessons. Number Three

Shloimy,

Are you ready for Language Lesson Number Three?

Today, you will learn how an Israeli orders Iced Coffee.

You will also learn how to get the exact kind of Iced Coffee you want, in an Israeli coffee shop.

First, you will need to understand what the Israeli thinks about when he thinks, "Iced Coffee."

You see, Shloimy, an Israeli doesn't think like an American.

Can you remember that?

To an American, when you go out for iced coffee, what are you doing? You're going out for, well, just coffee. It's a drink, right? With ice. Right?

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?

But what does an Israeli think about when he goes out for iced coffee? Is he thinking, 'coffee'?

No.

Is he thinking, 'a drink'?

No.

Is he thinking, 'cold coffee'?

No.

When an Israeli goes out for iced coffee, Shloimy, he is thinking only one thing -- 'dessert'!

Do you know how to spell dessert is in Israel? s-w-e-e-t.

Very sweet.

The sweeter, the better.

And, if for a coffee dessert you can add in some foam and some extra flavor and some milk, and then add in something else to slush up the whole thing--well, then, Shloimy, to an Israeli, THAT is iced coffee!

Iced Coffee, Israeli style

It's a frozen, sweetened, foamy, slushy ice-cold coffee--so thick, your straw can stand at attention!

Dessert!

Got it?

So, if you're an Israeli, or you want to be an Israeli, and you want an iced coffee in an Israeli coffee shop, you just march right up to the counter, and ask for, 'iced coffee.'

Just like that!

Isn't that simple?

You don't even have to speak Hebrew to do that.

Not in an Israeli coffee shop.

They know the customer.

They know English.

So, can you say that?

'Iced Coffee.'

Good. You sound Israeli already.

See how easy this is?

In an Israeli Coffee shop, that's how you talk.

It's also how you order iced coffee.

So now, Shloimy, answer me a question:

Suppose all you want is iced coffee?

I mean, if iced coffee isn't iced coffee, how do you get iced coffee?

You understand what I'm talking about?

A cup. Black coffee. Ice.

So what do you do?

Can you go in and say, 'iced coffee'?

No.

Do you know why you cannot do that?

Exactly. If you go into an Israeli coffee shop and say, 'iced coffee', you will not get iced coffee. You will get a frozen coffee slush, with milk and foam and sweeteners and additives.

Right?

So, Shloimy, here's how language works in the real world of the Israeli Coffee Shop.

Today, you will learn 'Israeli language!'

And you will learn how to get iced coffee.

Tuvia: 'I'd like an iced coffee.'

Barista: 'Large or small.'

Tuvia: 'Large. Without milk.'

Baristra: 'Thank you. What?'

Tuvia: 'One large iced coffee, no milk.'

Barista: 'You can't do that.'

Tuvia: 'Why not?'

Barista: 'Our iced coffee has milk.'

Tuvia: 'That's okay. Just make mine without milk.'

Barista: 'Can't do that. It comes only with milk.'

Tuvia: 'Can't you make mine without milk?'

Barista: 'Why would I do that?'

Tuvia: 'Because that's what the customer wants.'

Barista: 'All of our customers want milk.'

Tuvia: 'Not this customer.'

Barista: 'What?'

The manager walks over: 'Everything in order?'

Tuvia: 'Can I buy a cup of coffee?'

Manager: 'Yes.'

Tuvia: 'I'd like a large cup of coffee, please.'

Manager:' Fine.'

Tuvia: 'Do you have ice cubes?'

Manager: 'What?'

Tuvia: 'Do you have ice cubes here?'

Manager: 'Yes. Why'

Tuvia: 'I want you to put ice cubes into my cup of coffee.'

Manager: 'You want me to do what?'

Tuvia: 'I want you to put ice cubes into a cup of black coffee.'

Manager: 'Are you sure that's what you want?'

Tuvia: 'Yes.'

Manager: 'You understand that this will be just coffee. With ice cubes in it?'

Tuvia: 'Yes.'

Manager: 'You're sure that's what you want?'

Tuvia: 'I'm certain.'

Manager: 'Oh, so you want a Kaffay Kar, is that it?'

Tuvia: 'What's Kaffay Kar?'

Manager: 'Kaffay Kar is coffee with ice cubes in it.'